"This romantic crime thriller takes us on a wild ride of action, mystery, sex, LGBTQ inclusion, crypto, fashion, love, drugs, deceit and more!" Goddamn, that's a long-ass tagline. They must have gotten an SEO specialist to write it.

Kyree Terrell wrote, directed, and stars as Lyon Collins, a hacker who got his record cleaned after he joined the police force. He's a detective in Philadelphia's e-crime division. In a brutal condemnation of police competence, neither Lyon nor his partner know a single goddamn thing about computers. You can't really blame the characters for being clueless, though. Terrell clearly did not seek advice from a techie when he wrote the script. Every conversation that contains jargon is an incoherent word salad.

Tiffani D. Mcloyd plays Payton, a hacker involved in some nonsensical schemes involving crypto and online fraud. Her partners in crime include her girlfriend Goldie and her brother Buck. The whole crew gets ample opportunity to use technical terms in ways they were never intended. One character says, "You know how many IP chips it would take to cycle that long?" What the fuck is an IP chip? Doesn't Terrell have a twelve-year-old nephew with a laptop who could have raised some pointed questions about this bullshit?

We first get introduced to Lyon and Payton at a strip club, because of course we do. A stripper stole Buck's phone, so he borrows Lyon's phone to call Payton for help. This chance meeting is incredibly fortunate for Lyon. Obviously Payton will become the subject of one of his cases, and there's no way in hell he would have been able to find her by doing actual police work. Despite the praise his captain heaps on him, he couldn't find his own butt with both hands.

Buck's stolen phone has a crypto wallet on it. He tries to use something called a code ripper to recover it. Supposedly the ripper can run through two billion possible combinations of codes with a 5% chance of success. Oh...kay. I have to harp on this point because it aggravated my autism. First of all, is he trying to crack a password or his wallet's keys? Any password set on the wallet is impossible to recover without the wallet itself, so let's assume he's actually trying to recover the keys. In that case, the ripper's chance of success is effectively zero. Two billion sounds like a big number, but the actual number of possible combinations for a 1024-bit key is something like three hundred digits long. The only thing remotely realistic about any of this bullshit is the fact that the ripper doesn't work.

Porta Richard Nunez plays Lyon's partner Sams. Every time someone uses a hard word like "login" or "radius," this dipshit gets frustrated and tells them to speak English. How the hell did he get into the e-crime division? He's the only cop on the payroll who's worse at his job than Lyon.

The love triangle between Lyon, Payton, and Goldie eventually culminates in a threesome, because of course it does. The last ten minutes try to pull an Ocean's Eleven, whipping through exposition and flashbacks in an effort to make the twist ending plausible. They shouldn't have bothered. Every attempt to make sense of this mess just makes it worse.

Let's take another look at all those keywords in the tagline. I'm not sure that shoehorning a lesbian sex scene into a movie that's otherwise uninterested in lesbian themes qualifies as LGBTQ inclusion. Especially since Payton drops Goldie for Lyon with hardly a second thought. It's about as sensitive to LGBTQ issues as Gigli. Most of the other keywords they crammed in there apply in some way or another, I guess. Crypto? Yeah, that's there, even if no one involved in the production understands how it works. Fashion? Payton rocks some killer outfits, so sure, whatever. Drugs? There's a scene where Buck snorts some coke, so I guess that counts, even if it's barely relevant to the plot. Let's see what's left. Action, mystery, sex, love, deceit, "and more!" Someone gets punched, nothing makes sense, people fuck, and fidelity is nonexistent. I guess that mostly covers it, even if the "more" part is a blatant lie.

This jawn is two and a half hours long. Jesus. Just Jesus.

3 out of 10.

Seen on Tubi.