When I found a movie called Original Gangster that was made in 2020, the last person I expected to get top billing was Steve Guttenberg. To be fair, though, the guy on the poster doesn't look any more like an OG than Guttenberg does. He looks like one of those interchangeable douchebags who had a prank channel on YouTube around 2015. Either that or Nev from Catfish, which is just a slightly upscale version of the same douchebag. Maybe the filmmakers were trying to be sarcastic? Now that I've seen the movie, I can say with confidence that no, they definitely weren't. The tagline challenges: "Hero or menace? You decide." Can't it be neither? Again, judging by the poster, I'd assume this guy is reaching for a fart noise maker. The kindest thing I can call Original Gangster is misguided.

The story opens with a mob hit. A trio of gangsters kill a husband and wife, but one of them has a change of heart about killing their adolescent son. Instead he kills his partners and sets the kid free.

There's a brief montage of the kid's life as a homeless drifter. He scavenges food from garbage cans and sleeps in the woods. He grows up to be Castor, the douchebag on the poster portrayed by Alex Mills. Despite a decade or more of homelessness, he manages to rock a clean shave, a fashionable haircut, and a snazzy leather coat. He supports himself through petty crime and still sleeps in the woods.

One of Castor's mugging victims tracks him down with help from a gunman. Castor recognizes the gunman as Milo, the gangster who spared his life. Once again, Milo doesn't have the heart to kill him. Instead he puts Castor to work selling heroin.

Castor hits a few bumps in his new career. It results in Milo beating up Mrs. Milo and making Castor apologize to her. In Milo's head, the beating was Castor's fault for enraging Milo in the first place. Milo spends most of his screen time in a rage for some reason or another. He's angry when Castor gets robbed of thirty grand worth of heroin by some lowlife in a trap house. Then he's furious when Castor's second visit to the trap house ends in gun violence. I'm not sure what he expected when he gave Castor a gun and a bullet-proof vest and told him to get the drugs back. You'd think an original gangster would be wise enough to know how a situation like that can go sideways. Castor easily comes out on top in the gun battle, even though five minutes ago he didn't know what a bullet-proof vest was.

You might have noticed that I haven't mentioned Steve Guttenberg since the opening paragraph. Like a lot of movies of this caliber, the producers gave top billing to a recognizable name with a tiny role in the hope of attracting a few extra viewers without paying him lead role money. We finally meet his character, Jean-Baptiste Philippe, about halfway into the movie. I don't want to stomp too hard on a B-lister at a low point in his career, but Guttenberg's portrayal of a flamboyant pseudo-hippie drug lord is...well, misguided.

In the grand tradition of most trashy gangster films of the past two decades, the lead character narrates an overwrought voiceover and multiple characters deliver stagey monologues. My biggest challenge in writing this review was avoiding too many jokes about the presence of the word "original" in its title.

Castor has a persistent adulation for Milo that can best be described as...well...yes, it's misguided. He feels indebted to Milo for deciding not to kill him as a child. Never mind that Milo still murdered Castor's parents and doomed him to a life of abject destitution. Then again, loyalty doesn't stop Castor from starting a relationship with Milo's wife after she turns herself into a widow.

I think I've made it obvious enough that Original Gangster has nothing original to say about gangsters. (Dammit. I just said I wouldn't do that.) This story's been told hundreds of times in other movies that are also unrecommendable. If you decide to watch it anyway, allow me to suggest, as kindly as possible, that your decision is...well...

3 out of 10.

Seen on Tubi.