Here we go again. Natural Born Killers, Love and a .45, and now Hide. I wish this movie had stayed hidden. See what you did to me, stupid movie? I've turned into Gene Shalit.

Christian Kane and Rachel Miner play Billy and Betty, the movie's ersatz Mickey and Mallory. We meet them in a diner which has been surrounded by police. They've already killed everyone inside. After a couple minutes of forgettable dialogue, they rush out the front door, determined to go down in a blaze of gunfire.

This would have been the perfect time to kill them off and roll the credits. Instead, the story fast-forwards seven years. Billy's in the back of a prison bus. It gets into an accident. There's a pretty decent sequence where we see the bus flipping over from the inside. It's the only decent sequence I remember. Lo and behold, the accident was an ambush. Betty's here to help him escape.

I'm already tired of summarizing this movie. Let's just say the violence wasn't enough to keep my mind from wandering. The tonal inconsistency didn't help, either. It ends with a twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan roll his eyes. "Hide from this turkey," I quip through my big bushy moustache.

3 out of 10.

Seen on Amazon Prime.