When I saw this one's title, I immediately thought of those Lifetime movies where a woman has to escape an abusive husband. Man, I wish. Sadistic Intentions is much, much worse. Eric Pennycoff should have his Final Draft software license revoked.

Let's see if I can summarize this turd objectively.

Two strangers get summoned to a house by their mutual friend Kevin. Chloe, the stoner, thinks she's there to pick up a bag of weed. Stu, the metalhead, thinks he's there for band practice. The band is called Morbid Annihilator, the only name Pennycoff could imagine that was cheesier than the movie's title.

When Chloe and Stu arrive, Kevin is nowhere to be seen. They babble about music and inconsequential bullshit for twenty minutes. Then they find four severed heads floating in the swimming pool. It turns out Kevin's been in the house the whole time. He's killed the homeowners and has plenty more sadistic intentions in mind. Of course he intends to torture Chloe, but his most sadistic intention of all is to play Morbid Annihilator songs while he does it. Stu responds to every new circumstance by selecting a course of action without consulting his frontal cortex.

None of these characters resemble real people. They don't even resemble fictional characters. Most of the blame lies in Pennycoff's misguided script and tinny dialogue. He assembled this sequence of events with complete disregard for cohesiveness. The characters behave without rhyme or reason because that's how Pennycoff thinks plot twists work.

There's one standout actor in the cast. Michael Patrick Nicholson's performance as Kevin is atrocious. It's like Pennycoff told him to act like Crispin Glover, but Nicholson had never heard of him, so Pennycoff did a bad impersonation, and Nicholson did a bad impersonation of that.

Trust me, that was plenty objective.

3 out of 10.

Seen on Amazon Prime.