Last time I saw Dawna Lee Heising, she was getting strangled by a pervert in the atrocious trash fire Slink. Now she plays Vivica Stevens, a cybernetic sextagenarian who wreaks vengeance against the men who attacked her and left her for dead. I only watched Robowoman because I was in the mood for a bad movie. In that respect, it didn't disappoint me.

Made in 2019 and set in the distant future of 2024, Robowoman imagines a world where black market surgeons give people artificial enhancements. I don't know why they bothered with the pretense of setting this movie in the future. Based on the quality of Dawna Lee's cosmetic work, it would appear that shady back-alley surgeons already exist.

Vivica's boss invites her to a birthday party for his brother. He earns her sympathy by explaining that his brother is developmentally challenged. "My mom used to work with people with special needs," she says. "I grew up with people with special needs." That's a hell of a self-own, Vivica.

Street thugs attack her on her way to the party. Her sister finds her bleeding to death in the park. Cut to Vivica lying in a hospital room. The walls are constructed from those blue tarps that warehouses use to waterproof shipping pallets. One of the aforementioned black market surgeons offers to rebuild her. The cybernetic enhancements consist of Devo sunglasses and one elbow-length rubber glove.

After taking some time to heal, Vivica decides to learn martial arts. Cue the least inspiring training montage I've ever seen. Her moves might be good enough to impress the Tai Chi instructor at her senior center, but they won't make the stabby dudes prowling the city park shake in their boots.

Vivica proceeds to shoot and bludgeon her way through a bunch of nameless thugs. The action scenes are exactly what you'd expect after the training montage. In a twist that got telegraphed in the first fifteen minutes, Vivica's former boss is among the scumbags responsible for her attack. There's one more twist that involves some kind of poorly explained government conspiracy or something. I'm not sure why the government would feel the need to build killer robots out of mortally wounded senior citizens, but here we are.

2 out of 10.

Seen on Amazon Prime.